Nope, life decided to throw me the topic of this post; a boy.
I thought my first blog post should probably start with something to introduce me, something fun and quirky, something explaining my journey here, and what I'm about. Well. What's more appropriate than battling the everlasting enigma that has baffled generations of females; the male race - at the same time as moving away from home and beginning a degree? Apparently, my life just isn't confusing enough.
Ironically, just before I came to Uni, I'd sworn off boys. Now, not quite in a...
'I hate boys and I'll always be alone and I never want to even look upon the stinking testosterone ridden flesh of that deadly spawn again, let alone let one's sucker-fish mouth near me!!!!'
way, but more in a...
'I need some time for myself, I'm having a massive lifestyle change, the last couple of years have been tough and I want to focus on having fun with friends and making a good start at my studies, finally focusing on just me' way. You know, the sensible thing to do.
Well, clearly, fate was having a good old laugh at me...
That first day I met my flatmates and formed an instant connection with two of them, and we decided to go out that night. All girls in my flat, the only all-girls flat, perfect. And yet, what was to befall me? But of course, the dreaded initial meeting of a male Uni Fresher, tipsy and out with his mates, drunk on life; ah yes. A teenage boy.
My friend and I were sitting in the corner on one of the big, squishy black sofas, each with a Snakesbite. (Now, for those of you who don't know what a Snakesbite is,
Anyhoos, back to the story. We'd chatted to a few guys, quite casually, as various groups of newbie flatmates floated on through the comfy area, and then one guy plonked himself on the arm of the sofa right next to me. Needless to say I was a little taken aback, and not to mention tipsy at this point.
'Hello ladies.' He grinned cheekily, draping an arm over the back of the sofa and leaning in close to us in order to actually hear us.
'Hi!' We both chorused (My flatmate and I that is). His grin widened as he held out a hand, I gingerly took it and shook it with my free hand.
'I'm Crazy Boi.'
'I'm -
'Nice to meet you.' Now, I shan't bore you with the introductory details, I'm sure most of you are perfectly aware of how to meet someone. Either way, we started chatting, and found we got on together really well. We were even on the same course! I said I was Christian, and for some reason I found it quite necessary at this point in my addled brain to make sure he knew I was very much following the path of 'no sex before marriage'. Of course this was my swearing off boys warning to him, yet he didn't seem fazed. Possibly even more interested, stating that he came from a Christian background.
At some point Italian Mafia must have slipped off because I suddenly realised that we were alone, and Crazy Boi had shifted very close to me, and his arm was actually draped around me now... Like I wasn't aware of his intentions *Scoffing tone*.
There was a stall in front of us, and after a conversation about my disgusting drink and - in true me fashion - I'd tipped it everywhere, drenching us both, I noticed a little half-Sicilian head popping up over the top of it. The moment I caught sight of that little grin it disappeared again. How queer.
This happened a few times before I voiced it to Crazy Boi, who once again, seemed quite unfazed at the thought of anyone spying on us, even when my other flatmate, Chicken Chav, joined her. Instead, he simply murmured;
'Let's give them something to watch then, shall we?' Before kissing me! Now, when I tell the story it sounds a little pervy... But in reality, Crazy Boi has a sweet little way of making the cheesiest Rom-Com lines sound romantic, in his own little way.
Oh, and Chicken Chav has an accent pretty much completely the opposite to mine, and we tease her about it. And although she can't see it, every time I see her cooking I swear she's eating some form of chicken... She would kill me if she knew what I'd called her... Anyhoos, moving on...
So the night went on, it was fun and he was sweet. And he walked me back to my halls once the night was over. Admittedly, I did get us completely lost and it turned out that I'd managed to corner myself in the dodgy garages at the back of my halls... But he refused to leave me until I'd found my way to the front desk. Of course, I then realised that I'd left my ID card with Italian Mafia, but let us move on...
That first week I had a terrible mixture of food poisoning and a hangover from hell from all the mixed drinks that first night (It turns out I really cannot handle drink, and when I do drink I literally cannot switch from that same drink all night, unless I want to be throwing up until morning come), so I missed out on all of the bonding activities with my course-mates. Ironically, I'd spent weeks on Facebook tracking them all down and introducing them to each other, so we'd be at an advantage at the beginning of the semester, and by the time I got in to a lecture, I was the only one who didn't know anyone personally. I swear, fate has a twisted sense of humour...
It turned out that the girls I'd become friends with online, Crazy Boi had attached himself to, and they all thought he was gay initially! After that lecture we decided to all go out to lunch, but Crazy Boi spotted rock climbing and we had to wait for him for ages. It turned out that he was blatantly ignoring me for a long time, until eventually, when we were seated across from each other in Noodle Nation, he realised he'd have to talk to me at one point or another. Mostly, he chose another.
Only on the way back, when the rest of the girls deliberately fell behind did he start to chat with me, then he started to bully me! Now I've heard of mixed messages and pinching a girl when a boy likes her but this was another thing altogether! He'd gone from completely denying my existence to literally tickling me and pushing me in the very same minute! What is it with the male species?? If any of you, male or female, can explain the logic behind this bizarre ritual, please, do enlighten me.
Anyhoos, this pattern of strange behaviour continued for a couple of days, before I texted him casually, wondering if I could get a response out of him to decipher.
Hey, I know we were both a little tipsy the other night but I wondered if you did want to go to church with me on Sunday like we agreed, or whether it was more of a flippant light-hearted thing like our potential "date"? :P Clever, hey? ;) And yes, I do text this way.
Hi, actually I'm gonna go with my mate. :)
What????? Yes, I am going, but no, I'm not going with you,
A couple of minutes later...
And what, it wasn't a real date? ;)
Okay, if I wasn't already confused, by this point I most certainly was. He wasn't denying or confirming the alleged date, was he testing the ground to see if I still wanted to go? Was he trying to suss out if I was too keen? Was he plain mean and teasing me? I had no idea!! I'd come to Uni with the intention of no boys and suddenly I couldn't get one out of my head! And it wasn't in a good way! It was in a I'm going to go mad I have no idea how I feel let alone him way!
I can't remember how the rest of the conversation went but eventually we decided to meet up for a walk that afternoon. He'd bought a spy watch and was very excited about it, and decided to walk me through the local green. He took my hand, cuddled me, kissed me, and we generally laughed and had a lot of fun. But it didn't seem like a first date, and we'd only known each other a matter of hours in actual face-to-face time... Yet it felt natural and light. I really enjoyed it.
On the way back as he was walking me home, I asked him where we stood. I was fed up of games. He said right now he'd introduce me as a friend, and yet he was still cuddling me and holding my hand... So I pulled away and said that's fine, we should take it slowly anyhoos. Which he was very protective of, understandably, he didn't want to get tied down too fast. Neither did I, but it didn't mean I was any less confused...
That night Chicken Chav, Italian Mafia and I all went out to the Student's Union again. We didn't get very far... Chicken Chav had had yet another bust up with her boyfriend and was missing home and finding it very difficult to adjust, the fact that she was drunk out of her head did not help matters.
We decided to take her home, she was in a bad way, but in the crowd we lost Italian Mafia, and Chicken Chav could barely stand, so I rang her, no answer. In the end I had to leave her, I rang Crazy Boi, seriously hoping he wasn't drunk yet. Thankfully he wasn't, and he walked us home.
However, Chicken Chav found some guy she'd briefly made friends with and invited him in. I explained she was drunk, didn't really know him and needed some girl time. I was going to get her into bed, the boys would wait outside. But this pervert didn't like this, he pushed and pushed and pushed at us until eventually Crazy Boi had to physically block him when we neared the door. Drunk Chicken Chav was not impressed and started screaming.
Anyhoos, Crazy Boi eventually managed to get the pervert away and came in to help me. Chicken Chav did not want to be helped, she wanted her boyfriend, who would not answer his freaking phone!! She called and FB messaged all of his friends - The quote of the night; "I just want to go home!!!!" At 3am this was neither possible nor advisable.
The screaming and crying and attempts to get hold of the boyfriend went on for three and a half hours, at times I had to physically push her onto the bed to calm her down. Then, to make matters worse, my best friend from London called sobbing because she's just found out her sister had slept with her boyfriend! Crazy Boi and I then had to alternate between the two hysterical drunk friends, and then a drunk Italian Mafia came stumbling in with a new friend she'd made!
She got cross with me for leaving her, cried and then stumbled into the kitchen with her new friend to do Vodka shots with him before leaving the flat again and disappearing off. The night was not going well.
Eventually we calmed my friends down, and decided to eat, drink and go to bed. As we were sitting at the kitchen table this was the moment Crazy Boi, after knowing me for a matter of hours, decided to tell me he was falling for me, I was amazing and he wanted to be officially my boyfriend. I wasn't sure which impulse was stronger, the impulse to run, hide and cry or to punch him in the face.
Somehow, in my tired and deluded state, I just agreed to whatever, just to be able to go to bed. Yet - Lo and Behold!!! Italian Mafia had my room keys! And I couldn't get hold of her!
I know. I know. My life.
So Crazy Boi ended up in a sleeping bag on the floor, and I shared Chicken Chav's bed, getting up to be sick for mixing drinks in between. I didn't get a moment's peace for that, and couldn't avoid either of them.
From here on things with Crazy Boi seriously sped up, he became sensitive, protective and always wanted to be with me and touching me and I do not like that. I do not like being constantly pulled to someone and massaged and murmured to when I am tired, stressed or simply trying to stand with a friend and have a conversation! Stop touching me! Leave me alone! Let me have a moment to myself!
And then, in the second week of this massive new lifestyle, in the second week of even knowing him, he started to try to convince me he was in love with me. Not that he loved me, oh no, but that he was in love with me. Now don't get me wrong, I loved being with him, he was fun and sweet and attentive, but at times he could be a bit of a git and his respect for my boundaries in all matters decreased daily. Eventually after six weeks I had to break up with him.
I should hardly have been with him at six weeks! Six weeks is usually the point where you have a conversation with someone you've been casually dating and see if you want to make it more serious or not! It shouldn't be the point where you are avoiding someone who is suddenly apparently obsessed with you!
Now, we decided to stay friends. We had a mature conversation and knew we'd see a lot of each other, we had a week's break coming up that week so really it came at the ideal time. But we both meant a lot to each other, he wasn't for me, he wanted more than I was willing to give, on every level. From the start we were both clear about wanting a bit of fun, dating, seeing who's out there, who we're compatible with.
How it went from that into what it turned into I'll never quite understand... I spoke to him time and time again about it, I was clear from the start what I wanted and what my boundaries were, he just didn't listen.
So... Once again. MEN. What is it with the male race??? Mixed messages, not listening, etcetc.
This amusing little anecdote turned into a little rant and for that I apologise. But I do feel that little anecdotes such as these have genuinely brought women into studying the male species for millennium and yet we are still no closer to the truth! Someone out there, please explain the concept of men to me. Not even in general, just in your interest in women, in dating...
Thanks for reading, I hope you had a giggle and a Yes! Exactly! So true, I knew a guy who...
Anyhoos, tell me about your experiences with men and if you are a man, or have any ideas on men, please explain something to me!!
So now I'm gradually spending longer with my strange man in the same room together, but still mostly avoiding him... Which is difficult, when in the same lecture group as him. All I can really say from here on is...
Life, eh?
